Stalking Crime: Types of Stalkers

Classification of Harassment Behavior & Anti Stalking Resources

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Five types of stalkers. - Iwannasaveyou_2008_photbucket
Five types of stalkers. - Iwannasaveyou_2008_photbucket
Stalkers can have a variety of backgrounds, motivations and mental illnesses. Still, attempts at classification can be useful in helping victims protect themselves.

Stalking Behavior

Stalkers can be young or old, male or female, professional or unemployed. But most are men who are isolated, socially inept, and often mentally ill. The crime can be motivated by different types of psychopathology, including psychosis and severe personality disorders, and stalkers pursue their victims for a variety of reasons, but all tend to have a narcissistic sense of entitlement to the victim.

Australian stalking expert, Dr. Paul Mullen, found from his study of 145 stalkers, reported in the August 1999 American Journal of Psychiatry, that half the stalkers never had a long-term relationship, and a third were separated or divorced. To facilitate diagnosis and treatment, he classified stalkers into the following five categories.

Types of Stalkers

The Rejected Suitor

Sometimes a partner rejected by their spouse or lover may vacillate between overtures of reconciliation and revenge. They have a narcissistic sense of entitlement and belief this is the only relationship they are going to have. More than 80% of rejected stalkers in Mullen’s study had personality disorders. Therapeutic treatment of the rejected stalker involves helping him or her come to terms with the end of the relationship.

The Intimacy Seeker

The intimacy-seeking stalker intends to establish a relationship with his "true love" regardless of her wishes. More than half of the intimacy seekers Mullen evaluated were delusional, believing that their love was reciprocated, and nearly a third had a personality disorder and a delusion that their quest would be ultimately successful. Legal actions do not work well with intimacy seekers, who may justify their behavior with the belief they must pay a price for true love. The court may order treatment, which should focus on treating their delusions or other mental disorders.

The Incompetent Suitor

This type is typically a man who had been rebuffed after asking a woman for a date. He’s often socially inept, and when rejected, begins to stalk with the hope that his persistent behavior will change the woman’s mind. The incompetent suitors can be responsive to judicial sanctions but are also likely to relapse.

The Resentful Stalker

These offenders express anger in response to a perception that they have been humiliated or treated unfairly by the object of their obsession. They thrive on having a sense of power and control over the victim, and are hard to treat because they often see themselves as the victim.

The Predatory Stalker

The six predatory stalkers in Mullen’s study admitted to preparing to sexually attack a random victim. This type derives pleasure from gathering information about the target and fantasizing about the assault. They often have prior convictions as sexual deviants.

Why Classify Stalkers?

These five categories are, by no means, agreed on by all experts on obsession and stalking. Those engaging in stalking behaviors can have a variety on backgrounds, motivations and mental illnesses. Still, attempts at some type of classification can be useful. A better understanding of different types of stalking behavior may help victims better protect themselves, assist law enforcement in profiling and capturing stalkers and also aid mental health and legal systems in assessing the risk of recidivism and likelihood of rehabilitation.

Stalking Danger

Too often victims do not fully appreciate the true danger of being stalked, and this can be a fatal mistake. If you feel uncomfortable with the repeated advances, gifts or communications of an “admirer,” trust your instincts, and err on the side of caution.

This article is a summary of merely a fraction of the information available on stalking. Become familiar with federal and state stalking laws, stalking statistics, and the many resources available to assist and protect stalking victims, such as the National Center for Victims of Crime (800) 394-2255 and the Stalking Resource Center.

Additional Stalking Resources

Douglas, J, and Olshaker, M. Obsession. Published by Scribner (1998)

Tami Port, MS, Tami Port

Tami Port - Tami Port is a college professor of cell and microbiology and creator of ScienceProfOnline.com, a free science education website.

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42 Comments

Comments

May 3, 2008 6:46 PM
Guest :
I am being stalked by my ex boyfriend. He is trying to turn my friends against me. He is going all over town and telling people lies about me. He calls me constantly and text me. He rides by my house all hours of the night and calls and tells me about it.I have had to go so far as to hide my car so he would leave me alone. He meets women on the net and then he eventually breaks up with them and does this all over again.His 4th ex wife called me and told me he has multiple personality disorder. and that is why all of them have left him. He flattend his tires and blamed it on me and told all of my friends that i did this.They dont believe him and they think he is completly nuts. im scared to come home anymore. I dont know if he is gonna be waiting on me and im afraid to even leave work to go to my car because im afraid he will be in the parking lot. T.S.
Jun 7, 2008 11:45 PM
Guest :
RUUN!!! Jk Jk. (Couldn't Resist)

---------

I have a stalker. It all started about 9 months ago, when an elderly man (in his 40's?) Moved in about 7 houses down from mine. I am 14 years old, and every night he is outside my window. I have gravel outside and I can hear when he's out there. My Neighbor - an elderly lady - told me that she has heard and seen him IN MY YARD through all hours of the night. My parents are fully aware of the situation, and we have called the police over a dozen times. There are further reasons why I believe that the new man that moved into my neighborhood is the man stalking me, but I won't specify why. Around 1:00 AM on February 1st, I believe he tried breaking into my house (The reason I say "I believe" is because I am not sure if it was him trying to break in, or a random group of other males). All through the night somebody would tap on my window or my sisters, they would kick the wall outside of my room so it sounded like a *THUMP* and at first we just thought it was him just watching us, or doing what ever he does when he's out there. "Harmless"... I suppose. But a little while later, i'm not sure if it was 10 minutes or two hours after that, but simultaniously people started banging on my back door, my side window, my sisters window, and my bedroom window. Obviously there were more than one "stalker," intruder, robber... idc - pick one. If they wanted to break in, they would have. But they didn't. Garunteed they were just trying to spook us - but why? There were atleast half a dozen cop [cars] at my house that night. Not only at my house, but patroling - looking - for whom ever was trying to "break into" my house. The only reason for them leaving is my mom pulling a tiny glock pistol out of her bedside droor, and pointing it at a tall, middle weight/(age?) man. she didn't fire - I don't think I would have had the courage to either. They Left. Later that week while my mom was talking to one of our neighbors about the "intrusion," our neighbor notified my mom that on that specific night, the man whom I believe to be my stalker, was having a party/getogether - whatever - at his house, and 2 + 2 = 4.

That was.. idk 3 months ago? 4. 4 months ago. nothing has really changed since then, just more hearing tapping on my window, this that and the other. but one day he was parked outside my house, taking pictures at night. with flash on. Why? "To plan," the cops said. "Grade 5 Stalker. We can't let him get to a grade 6."
Feb 21, 2009 7:25 PM
Guest :
To the 14-year-old who posted below:
I am very sorry about your situation. On a separate note, however, men in their 40's are not "elderly." I wish you the best wtih your situation, meaning I hope there is an arrest soon.
Feb 23, 2009 11:45 AM
Guest :
I have had a stalker for 6 years. I can not get any help from anyone.
My husband thought for a long time that I knew who my stalker was and wouldnt take it seriously. The police wont do ANYTHING. Noone knows the horror you feel being stalked especially if you dont know who it is.I dont have any idea who this is. Ive seen him outside my house,he has tapped my phones, let me flowers, etc... I wish there was someone who would take this seriously before he takes the next drastic step if that is his plan. If I make it through this not only physically but mentally it will be a miracle. But then again, they say miracles happen everyday right? YP
Mar 4, 2009 2:09 AM
Guest :
I have a stalker, it started a few nights ago. He came by my house and sat in my yard. I don't know what to do, I have went to the police but they said that scince I don't know his name that there is nothing they can do.I told them what he looks like, he has came by my job. So until the police can catch him my gun will stay by my side.
Mar 15, 2009 11:36 AM
Guest :
I have a stalker for over 2 years. The problem is that he is very disturbed and mentally ill. He has schizophrenia. He has told people that he is in love with me and he has pictures of me. He leaves me gifts and cards. I believe that he has stolen me from but can't prove it. He tries to talk about to my friends but they know not give out any info. He has been transferred to another building but he is always over here.He tells people that I tease him with my clothes and demeanor; people have told me I should expect his behavior because am an exotic woman, a femme fatale. I don't that anyone understands me fears.
Jun 2, 2009 10:53 AM
Guest :
Hi! I'm being stalked by this girl who's "jealous" of me. She likes this guy who doesn't like her but likes me and cant handle the rejection. She keeps talking about me, making up stories inside her head that I have never said at all! She's friends with the guy I like, trying to manipulate him to dislike me. She keeps driving in a white truck, ripping her hair out of her head, acting all crazy! I haven't talked to her in 2 months, I deleted her off of facebook bc she's crazy, Ive made no contact about her at all. She keeps saying to keep her name out of her mouth, I'm a loner! I'm not talking to anyone about her at all. I dunno how this implies towards me bc this isn't an ex boyfriend or anything but its a girl stalking me, its kinda weird bc I don't know what stalking this would fall under.
Jul 21, 2009 3:12 PM
Guest :
I am going crazy it feels.I have been stalked for over two months. Sleepless nights and long tired days is my reality when I stay at my home which I bought 3 months ago.It began when I started feeling watched. I have never been that paranoid woman living alone so I just added it up to be a kid or animals...the burger king wrappers and cups..the thuds...all of it until the night that he attempted to pull out or cut my phone line. I grabbed my cell and called the cops of course talking rather loudly. I believe this scared the stalker off.It has not stopped and the police are not taken it serious enough. My boyfriend decided to hide out in the woods trying to get a view of the persons doing this...the stalker tried to get him from behind...and my boyfriend turned the man ran...or hide not sure...this has contuinued..ppl telling me they seen a man standing across the road in the dark staring at my home for 10-15 minutes until they scared him off by flashlights.Motion lights have not worked for me...I have 8 witnesses to all this..we have realized at times someone works with my stalker{prob. thinking it is for kicks andnot realizing how seriousmy stalker is about this}...ppl have heard them talking saying "go that way" and one even said hey to mh boyfriend. My boyfriend was inside and the man outside so therefore no luck again.This just keeps getting worse...stealing my things even that the stalker seen outside even dog dishes..my dog has gotten so use to most the noises he stopped alerting me except when the guy attempts to get in my door by checking if it is locked or not.The laws need to be strickter on this.The cops have said they can not help till the guy is succeeding getting inside my home or we get a visual.Since we only have suspects but do not know who it is and we can not catch him this is hard to hear...What has to happen to me before they do something??I have considered moving but I am scared I don't have that much time the rate the stalker is esclated..If anyone has any advice other than dogsjournals,cops and staking out looking please let me know..We have tried all that stuff and so much more no luck..
Jul 27, 2009 6:04 AM
Guest :
I am being stalked by the financee of a guy from work that I dated casually for 6 weeks. He started dating the girl NEXT DOOR about 2 weeks after I told him I wanted to be friends. He never told me....hmmm. Freaky things started happening at hime and work- enough that I QUIT the job to get aqay from him (not knowing why he all the sudden stopped talking to me) and had to move to my mom's. Get this- HER mom lives next door. Now she is saying I stalk her in a town I grew up in. I see her friends cars drive by again and again everywhere I go. I have tried to say I don't want the guy. They take pics on their cells ( 'got it' got what? I'm going down the street? I broke up with him??? I quit the job?), honestly I don't know what to do. She even got into my email and uses ones from before I knew she existed to 'prove' I want him! I can't even get back into my account! I tried to be nice- I thought it was not her fault he was too lazy or too mean to go down the street but the girl is convinced I am after her man! Is there anything that I can do???
Sep 4, 2009 11:19 AM
Guest :
I Have a stalker also..I am transgender..and my stalker is also but she is 40 and I'm 25. I was dating her ex gf and for some reason my stalker decided to attack me because her ex dumped her then 3 weeks later started dating me.

I never knew the stalker..but they looked up my name on google and found everything they called about me, my family, then found out my family's address then went to my mum and said they needed infomation about me because I was doing credit card fraud (1st lie)..so my mum thought this person was a police officer so she handed over my mobile, school stuff, job history etc...

Then they started sending me death threats via mobile, online forums, and Posting on myspace on blobs that (I broke into there house, I was a active hacker and was doing online credit card fraud) which again are all lies..

I was into hacking and I work in Computer Security now, I got into trouble in 2003 for fraud but it wasn't my fault..people tricked me to send fraud goods to my house and expected me to send to them..but I didn't instead I sent back to the company they came from. The Detectives knew I had nothing to do with it so I didn't get a record which was lucky..but they never caught the people and for a stupid reason the company which was used to buy stuff from told me I had to pay them $2000 cause the hackers were never caught so in a way they frauded me out of $2000 when the Detectives said I shouldn't of had to pay anything..so stupid.

Anyway this stalker tried scaring me over and over saying they told the police about me and I will be getting arrested any day soon..I have been to the police many times asking of such claims and they know nothing of it, instead I gave them all the death threats, postings etc.

Myspace took down the blogs with help of Australian police.

But I still get pain because this person still continues to threaten me..now by posting on there website about me and I have no right to take it down as its there site, there hosting, and domain.

Even though I work in IT Security I do get scared, as this person is much older and smarter then me with allot of income behind them.

I get allot depressed because of the way my life is atm, family not accepting me as much, now a stalker attacking me mentally...I tried ending my life 2 times in the last 5 months..1 time I nearly did by overdose.

The police aren't doing anything cause its all online, even though I got my mum to put a statement down they still won't do much.
Alisha
Sep 9, 2009 11:10 AM
Guest :
My boyfriend ex is stalking us. She calls all night and day. She says she has pictures of us togather. She calls and blocks her number hoping he will answer the phone. She has her sister calling him. She sends numerous text messages all the time. She even has called his mom's job asking his mom about him. The scary part is she doesnt live here, she lives about 2 hours away, but she knows stuff about us as if she did.I tell my boyfriend that we need to do something but he insist that she isnt going to do anything. YEAH RIGHT!!! I don't know what to do i told him he needs to get his cell number and the house number changed but I don't even know if that will even help. Hopefully something will give and she will move on with her life and give me mine back. G.M.
Oct 26, 2009 9:19 PM
Guest :
I have a creepy ass stalker. He's my neighbor, and his window is right under mine cuz I'm on the 2nd floor. Last week, I woke up to turn my alarm off (5:30 am) and close my window. I saw him standing there almost in an observing pose with his iphone out. I saw the light, freaked out, and he moved out of the frame. When I got home that day, they put up black covers on the window. Today, it's back to normal again. But two months ago, there were footsteps on my roof above my room, before my mom bought a lock for the escape latter. Last summer, while I was at school, I was in a garden club n decided to grow some Basil. Three weeks later, he planted basil right under my window and a week later I woke up during the night to see him staring up at me through my window (outside) creepy?????????????/Someone give me some advise, I'm scared
Oct 28, 2009 2:31 PM
Guest :
is taking pictures of random people but nothing more considered stalking?
Nov 3, 2009 11:47 AM
Guest :
Back when I was in college and still living with my parents I was stalked by an ex-boyfriend after we broke up and the only thing that helped me was moving away leaving no forwarding address. Much more recently, I was virtually stalked and harassed on the Internet by an angry, narcissistic ex-friend. The only thing that helped that situation was to never, ever respond to any hostile posts from "anonymous" posters. It took over 3 years, but she finally got bored and left me alone. If you are being stalked in person, though, you could be in real physical danger and you do need to protect yourself. There are Anti-stalking sites with lots of good advice. Information is power: read up about anti-stalking tactics and protect yourself.
Jan 10, 2010 11:32 PM
Guest :
It's helpful. I am rejecting an individual who dates an older more affluent person for their car and money. Shame on them and me for allowing myself to be used.
Jan 13, 2010 10:04 AM
Guest :
I have been stalked by an ex now for two years and nine months. I now know how to live anonymously. I have numerous court orders against him, several protective orders. All it is - paper. He's been in jail, gets out and does the same. No one deserves to live under the obsession of a stalker. My stalker would fall under the resentful stalker. Lives alone in a basement, doesn't work, no girlfriend, nothing.
Mar 24, 2010 4:56 PM
Guest :
I don't know what to do about my stalker, it has been going on for 3 years he is in his 60's I am 22 and he has been arrested twice and told to leave me alone and is banned from my work place and told by the police not to send any more letters to my address, i have now moved and that address he knows is my parents address as far as i am aware he does not know i have moved. But he still sent his friend up to my work with a 5 page letter saying he loves me and please can he be allowed back into my work place, the police told me to contact them if anything else happened and as it would be a third arrest it would have to be taken to court so i phoned them to tell them about the new letter, they told me they were too busy to come and talk to me and that he sounds like he's just trying to make amends so discard the letter, they didn't even know what the letter had said when they told me to do this so i have kept the letter at my work rather than discarding it. His friend still comes into my work and leaves after a few minutes i think it's to see if im at work, he then goes outside and ive looked out the window and seen the stalkers car round the back of the car park, security cannot do anything as he is not actually on the property. The police seem to have given up as he has not listened the first 2 times he was arrested, so what should i do?
Apr 29, 2010 2:39 PM
Guest :
i have a stalker. we were friends for five years. She was always very controlling and possessive, however, i took it as she cared and thought nothing of it, as this is what best mates do, look out for each other. However, 3 months ago we argued and she blamed me for everything that happened in her past. Enough was enough and i ended the friendship. This then caused her to phone me 100 times a day, text 60 times a day, leave me voicemails, waits outside of work for me, sits outside my house hours on end, and calls the house phone. She writes to me and then waits for me outside of university if i havent wrote back to her. This is getting out of hand, i want to go to the police so bad, but im too frightened of the after math, as her family would destroy me. Shes becoming very threatening and im too scared to do anything, she has people following me to see what im up do and wont leave me alone. its all very pathetic as its all down to friendship, but i simlpy dont want to be friends with her. shes not getting the hint... im even having to get escorted to my car on the paring lot. what should i do??
Apr 30, 2010 2:46 AM
Guest :
I have been stalked four times by four different people. I'm not a celebrity or anything like that. I'm just an ordinary person who's trying to live my life in peace. The first person to stalk me was a man in his late 30's and I was 13 at the time. When I rejected him as a friend, he began to harass me endlessly. At home there were crank calls, obsene letters and lies about me that he spread to my friends. The guy who did this was a pedophile. My mom got the police involved who told the guy to stay away from me. Unfortunately the police warning did no good and the stupid guy kept it up. He ended up getting evicted from the building; we lived on the same floor as he did. We ended up ourselves having to move away, but not far enough. The terror continued for two more years. The next time I was stalked was by an ex-boyfriend who I broke up with because he was into cocaine and was a drug addict. I ended the relationship with him and I thought that was it. He started phoning me at all hours and wouldn't leave me alone. Each time I'd hang up on him. Then he started calling my mom's line and harassing her at all hours. The police got involved with that one too and the calls stopped finally. The next time was by a woman and I'm now an adult who was my husband's mistress. The woman would constantly call from her cell phone, even after I told her to get lost and leave my husband alone. She then resorted to sending me emails of all kinds and some of them threatening. In the end, I left my husband and moved to a different city. I changed my email address and phone number. As far as I know, she's gone. The fourth time was by my daughter's friend's mother who had become my friend. After five years of being friends, the relationship soured for reasons I won't get into. Either way I told her to not contact me in any way and we were done being friends. She kept phoning me and leaving messages on my answering service. She kept sending me emails of all kinds. Then she even resorted to dropping off her kid at my doorstep one day and drove off somewhere. Then she came back, parked her vehicle in front of my house and shone her headlights in my front window. I sent the kid away and told her not to come back and the woman's boyfriend too who also was at the house with the kid. I then reported the incident to the police, which they did nothing about. All I can do is call them when she comes around again and hope they catch her at my house. The woman weeks later stalked me on facebook and I had her blocked and reported her to the admins there. The long and the short of it, I have lived my life in fear and always have to watch my back. It just seems I have met losers. Now I'm completely untrusting of people and have few friends that I am with. I mostly stay in my house and only go out if I have to. I am moving eventually in case the stalking starts again and have even thought of moving out of Province. I know how these celebrities who have been stalked really feel. It's very frightening when someone has an obsession with you and won't leave you alone. Those who stalk usually have some underlying mental issue. My message to those being stalked, please stay safe.. thanks for reading this..
May 3, 2010 1:19 PM
Guest :
I've got a 44 year old woman stalking her now ex-boyfriend and I. She was a cougar who lost her cub and she's now going nuts... I honestly don't know how to get rid of her.
May 4, 2010 12:43 AM
Guest :
Hi I am having a very strange type of stalking and am thinking of moving for a bit and not attending my usual places. Till the stalker is of my case anyway, I don't wanna move my house or quit my job because then the stalkers would be running my life. First it started of in night clubs, wherever I went there was a guy looking at me and turning his head away when I look towards his direction. This was always a different guy doing the same thing looking at me and then turning away. I figured out that someone doesn't like me but couldn't know who. The only way that they could possibly know which club I was in on the weekends would be through putting something in my mobile phone. I was 21 when this started and didn't wanna stop going out, when I stopped going out then I had a similar thing happening to me at my local gym that I attend. There was always a guy there looking at me and not saying anything. Now that I haven't responded or reported any of my stalking something very strange is happening.

I have a female who turn up to places where I am during the day such as outside of my work or gym and wears a similar thing as me and gives me a weird look. This is very strange that if I was crazy or paranoid couldn't possibly make it up. This female appears to always be a different one and also looks similar to me, she is starting to come to more and more places where I am.

I have never even heard or read anything about stalking such as thins and am wondering what it could be about Could someone please tell me what they think could be a motive in strange type of stalking or what I should do? Thanks.
May 4, 2010 5:56 PM
Guest :
how true, stalkers ARE a serious threat to society and there is no direct way to combat this problem. When dealing with one contacting the police should be a priority, but it may be advisable to set up certain precautions such as CCTV or bars on the windows. Don't think that its your fault because it isn't, they are the one at fault not you, they just can'tcome to terms with what ever their reason is for stalking you.
May 7, 2010 8:06 PM
Guest :
I was with my sons dad for 7 years, I wasnt happy anymore and i had warned him over and over again we were falling apart, Finally I broke it off in November of 2008. Every since then, my life has been hell. He took the pins out of my hood ( it was rigged like a race car hood) 2x's making it to where the hood flew completely up at me while driving, Wrote all over my driveway with chalk obscene words, Smashed my Windshield while i was in the car, came to my work umteen times then scattered, left over 100 threatning messages on my phone (which I still have) pushed his way into my home and cornerd me in the kitchen saying he was going to smash my face in lada lada lada. I have a restraining order against this man, have had one since march of 2009 even my own 5 year old is scared crapless because he is afraid (daddy) is going to hurt me. Im almost to the point I could care less. I am currently engaged to an amazing man as well as pregnant due in Oct. You can IMAGINE how my x is feeling now. He just recently ( April 26th) threw my sons bike through my bedroom windows at 3am and the cops DO NOT DO CRAP ABOUT IT.They didn't take the bike for fingerprints, didn't do anything, just more less said *We will patrol around and see if we can find him* Which they DIDNT. I have been to court sooooo many times for this man and he keeps getting out and getting away. There isnt much a person can do when it comes to someone stalking them. The most I do is just find ways to protect myself. Today my neighbors seen him riding his bike back and forth infront of my house while i was at work and then I heard the cops were at his house, but no word if he went to jail or not. i did invest in a 22 pistol which i keep near, but i have lost SO much sleep its unreal. I feel what use is it to me if he does happen to get in because Im so fatigued what if i dont hear another window bieng smashed out then next thing i know hes over top of me strangling the crap out of me. You never know whats going to happen, The best you can do is just pray and try your best to be prepared. I will be calling the cops tonight to ask them to patrol because I am aware he was around my house today as it was. All you others should def. do the same if you feel scared. Not that its going to help, but you may get a good nights rest like me. (hopefully) Best of luck to all the other people (men and women) out there that have to deal with this crap as well.
May 18, 2010 2:01 PM
Guest :
I am in need of advice. My father has been stalking myself, my sister and my poor mother at our family home for just over 10 years. He has Bi Polar disorder. He visits randomly, sends letters, cheques, wedding rings to my mum. This has gone on too long and frightens my mother, their bad relationship ended years ago. He used to be violent toward her and I see the worry on her face. Myself and my sister, both in our mid-20s want to take matters into our own hands and make him stay away. But how? My mum has an injunction on him but that doesn't keep him away. An embarrasing scene is usually caused and we want to avoid that. Should we send a stern letter to him? Thanks, C.
May 19, 2010 1:22 AM
Guest :
This makes no sense: "narcissistic sense of entitlement and belief this is the only relationship they are going to have." - narcissism would imply a belief they can have many relationships - it is low self-esteem or self-perception (even if societally endorsed) that would make someone feel they have no other options - this is the opposite of narcissism
Jul 27, 2010 5:07 PM
Guest :
I don't know if my situation would be considered stalking or not, but I know its driving me crazy. My husband and I separated,(again, we were split up more than we were together) back in January, he is addicted to prescription medications, and when hes under the influence, he becomes very abusive to me, and has had several affairs. He would leave me for a week or two, while he partied, but when he was done, if I didn't let him come back, he would make my life hell, he would call repeatably like 30 times in a row if I answered or not, he would call all my family, friends, even my place of employment. He has threatened me with guns, and knives, and has even called the police making up horrible stories on me and my family, he would just freak me out until I would let him come home so I could get some relief, he always swore he loved me, and he just had a problem, he was gonna get help, yadda yadda yadda, so anyways, back in January he left for a week to go to his mothers and get high, that time I didn't even put up a fight about him coming back, because I knew eventually he would get his way and come back anyways, the next day after he came back, he got high again at our house, and then the girl he had been with for the week he was at his moms house calls my house and confesses they had been together the whole time, I just couldn't handle that kind of lifestyle anymore, so I decided I was gonna get away from him one way or another, I went to work one day, and just didn't come back home, I went to stay with relatives for a while, now 6 months later, he still calls my family, and my work. He would call me, but I had my number changed, and no one will give it to him, I have since met someone else, that is very good to me, and I'm trying to move on with my life, but he somehow found out about it and has been harassing him. Hes a very good man, and I'm really afraid that my ex is going to scare him away, His most recent act was today after work, he called my boss and told him that he was the police, and that me and the guy I'm seeing,(he is a co-worker fyi)are selling drugs and they wanted permission to come arrest us..... He's crazy and I have no idea what to do to make him stop, I have pressed harassment charges, got restraining orders, ignored him, told him I never wanted to talk to him again, I even tried telling him I wanted us to be able to stay friends, but that we needed to give it some time before we talked to one another, nothing seems to work,,,does anyone have any suggestion?
Aug 15, 2010 5:23 AM
Guest :
That only isolates people with mental illness further and doesn't really help those with socially inept behaviours get a social life or partner. It does highlight the issue of people who just don't get it and are unable to assert themselves or respect the rights of other people. However I am under the impression that celebrities do complain about this alot and have the resources to get the message out into the other communities around the country and world.
Aug 22, 2010 5:30 AM
Guest :
I have delt with a stalker for 26 years! He started when I was 14 with a phone call in the middle of the night when I was home alone with two 2yr old babies. At the age of 21 I met him and he begain persueing a relationship with me. It took 7 years to get one stalking charge conviction to go through the courts. This man is the most violent person any official in the county has ever delt with. He is 6ft 8in tall and weighed almost 400 pounds.Because of this the police and sheif's department feared him. He has raped and held me for others to rape me also, stabbed me multiple times, hung me from a tree, kiddnapped me, kicked in doors to attack my family, and he claimed he murdered a man when I had exscaped once before. He has beat me in the head with a tire tool attempting to throw me in a river knowing I could not swim. He ultamately when to prison for aggrivated assault and robbery on a friend of mine. Now, twelve years after his sentence, he is stalking me from prison. I am now in the process of seeking another stalking charge. ANY SUGGESTIONS?
Aug 22, 2010 11:28 AM
Guest :
I need someone to help me understand what kind of stalking this is. I hate that I am even writing about it because it makes me feel like the stalker is in control. This stalker- i don not recognize his voice as one belonging to anyone i know. He calls very infrequently, like maybe twice a year. The first time he called was in 2008- i thought it was someone's lover who dialed the wrong number. The number came in as restricted and i picked up because i thought that it was my family calling from overseas. At that point I just thought it was someone who called the wrong number. I have had missed 'restricted' calls that I have asked some family members about and none of them admit to having attempted to call me- this does not happen often though. I never heard from this person again (not to say they did not attempt to make contact) until a perverted message was left on my cell at the beginning of this year. I still did not make the connection because it honestly was so muffled- i really could not make out what I was hearing... again- this type of thing was furthest from my mind. I got a call just yesterday and the person's voice was very clear. He practically raped my ears and I connected his voice to be the voice of the bozo that called me in '08. Why would someone do something like this so infrequently- I felt that if it was an individual that was obsessed with me, they would have been calling more frequently. Do they think that it makes them less of a stalker? The person also knoew my name- on my voicemail- I do not say my name- so this person could be someone I actually know. He mispronounced my name- I don't know if it was to throw me off, or what. I have to change my cell number now- the police think that maybe that will make him try to contact me using a work or home number and may help them zero in on him. One officer even suggested I play along and that may piss the perp off because he will no longer feel he has control. I am afraid to play along as I fell this might make him want to call me again. Someone please help me understand this.
Sep 8, 2010 11:55 AM
Guest :
This guy has been following me around to my house and to my music studio. He wanted to set me up with his sister or something if he liked what I was doing. So he started to use cellphone snoopware after getting my number somehow to listen through my speakerphone and read my text messages. He would hack into my computer and go through there too. Then he set up spycams in my studio and my car and even at my house after breaking in to watch what I was doing. He convinced his family that this was a good thing to do, so after a few more of his family members watched me and found this interesting, he got even more family members to do this and watch/listen to me. So now theres a lot of people watching me, and some of my friends find out and start doing the same thing. So now this rather large group knows who I am and what is happening in my studio and house. So he somehow finds a way to make money on the internet doing this. He has live feeds of me at my house and studio set up on the internet. And his sister is watching me now too. So on facebook, it seems clear that people somehow know what Im doing in my house and studio, I start to get a little frustrated and eventually upset his sister pretty bad somehow. And now this guy is completely upset that everything didnt play out the way he had intended, and possibly because the situation isnt very profitable anymore so he is going to have everyone Im friends with and his family harass me on facebook until I quit, and pretty much says says that now hes going to do this to a different guy. So somehow, he still keeps at it with me, and starts to break into my house while Im at work and goes through my notebooks and puts my material on one of his websites. And now his family and my friends are even more upset, because I had been documenting this whole thing since it happened and I dont think other people that saw liked my perception of the event or something. And so one day he has his entire family and a lot of my friends and complete strangers watching me in my studio again one day, and being as frusturated with this and what had been happening, I upset his entire family real bad while they were listening. And everybody else listening Im sure. And now he told his sister I said things about her that I didnt say and he starts to really abuse the spycams that were in my house with a pretty large number of his family and sends his sister to another one of these situations somewhere else apparently, all while publically shaming me without me even realizing it. And so my old teacher sees this happen, because he must have been watching too, and decides to try to show his family that I am a better person than Im presenting myself while they are spying, he then tries to use a method of attitude change on me to make me better or something and to make me pay for the things I said, apparently. So my question is, would this be considered stalking? Is this illegal?
Sep 12, 2010 1:14 PM
Guest :
I was stalked yesterday, and managed to get help, however the man is now sitting around the area waiting for me (I can see him when I pass on the subway!) I have seen him on several occasions actually, he always stared at me but never followed me until now...
I think that he is the predatory stalker... he never said a word to me but followed me from my boyfriends house to the subway, where he caught up with me after I managed to get about 30 people between us... I slowed down, and he slowed to match me, I stopped and he stopped and turned around and stared at me out of the corner of his eye so I started walking backwards, still facing him, until I ran into a group of businessmen, who asked if I was okay. I told them "no, this guy is stalking me" and the biggest man, an approx. 6'5 250 pound black man singled him out and basically tried to form a barrier between me and the guuy, but all the guy did was try to push past this HUGE MAN to get at me! The guy is not right in the head, the way he was looking at me and the fact that he never said a SINGLE WORD really freaks me out.. I've had nightmares about it, i'm incredibly paranoid, everytime I'm on the subway I watch the reflection of the people around me in the glass and if a man stares at me for too long or tries to pick me up I switch cars right away... I called the police after this incident because I believe that this person has been watching me for a while.. but they say that theres nothing they can do unless he physically stalks me again because I don't have proof of the last incident, but I am too scared to put myself in that position again. My boyfriend just bought me a swiss army knife to carry, and I have been looking up recipes for mace. I don't want to do anything illegal by carrying these items around, but I honestly don't feel safe without some form of defense, and that is incredibly sad!!
Oct 3, 2010 9:26 AM
Guest :
I have a stalker. He has been stalking me for 3 years, he is about 46. I am 20. He talks to people I know on the phone or fb and he tells them that he looks for me at my house, checking to see if my car is there. He showed up at my work when I was not there that day and asked the manager when I would come in next. The manager told him even though she had a bad feeling about him. I have called the police numerous times and all they did was call him once and told him to leave me alone. But he keeps following me. When will he give up? I have prayed for so long for him to leave me alone. Any advice?
Oct 29, 2010 1:19 AM
Guest :
For those of you that are fortunate enough to have access to a firearm, you ought to be grateful that it is permissible where you live...in Australia, we only have our wits (and fists). Good luck to all who are enduring this painful time and know that this too will pass. :)
Nov 30, 2010 4:37 PM
Guest :
my stalker is a stranger, he shows up every morning at my job and walks around discreetly until he spots me..now and then he will strike up a conversation like nice day etc etc, then he walks away and stops and stares at me, sometimes if i see him he will duck away but mostly he won't, while i do not feel afraid i am perplexed as to why? i never see him other than the morning but he is definetly there for me.. should i worry or is he perhaps just a shy guy with a crush, though i cannot imagine why he would like me as i am a 48 year old woman ..
Dec 15, 2010 9:25 PM
Guest :
I think it is very crazy but honestly,if u being stalked;how do you not know if your the stalker?
Feb 2, 2011 6:01 PM
Guest :
This article is helpful in defining stalkers. I am a student of Criminal Justice and our teacher asked us to read this article. Thanks for the helpful information about stalking crimes.
Apr 4, 2011 1:01 PM
Guest :
There is information in this article that has defined the person who has been stalking me. I have told this person that we are not meant to be together but he does not want to hear that. He knows what he is doing and I just want him to go on with his life. I don't want to be friends with him or in a relationship. He has told me that we are destined to be together and that he will never give up on me. I have filed for a restraining order; however, he filed for a motion to have it dismissed. The 'referee' dismissed the case because he says that it's not serious enough. However, he did yell to this guy and told him to leave me alone. Do I have to be controlled to the fullest ending in death before I receive the help that is needed? Can someone help me. He is what you would call a intimacy seeker and resentful stalker.
Oct 1, 2011 2:51 AM
Guest :
I have a know a guy from same high school for over 5 years, was not familiar with him since he was 2 year above senior, plus a obsession to certain religion to constantly forcing others to join, and constantly raging over unwanted situations.

After few years me and some same grad year friends met this guy again at the University, we starting to carry out usual group activities as same college friends.
Then we discover something odd during short period of time, we did not think too much about the fact that, "the guy" recently broke up while he doubts the ExGirl friend is seeing two guys at same time, then he ask one of us to seat in passenger seat while he can 'stalk' and find out the truth.
We really did not think it through that this guy has some serious issue, but then after he got dumped and found a new younger Girl, I quote what he said"I met this girl a few times, we haven't spoke much, but I knew she was my goddess."
From this point on I refuse to go out even in a group of friends, but then some time later, I found out 'the guy' is doing the deeds again and it did not surprise me, I was with 2 other friends getting back to home in his car, and we stop at a odd place which wasn't any of our house, while I kept asking what is going on.................it turns out that was the"stalker's""goddess girl's" house, and he has been doing it quite a few times, seem only by friends in passenger seats soo far.
From that point on I never went out with the"stalker guy" and the old friends who did not care much about the stalking, the only thing I worry is, these old friends who can't tell that is dangerous enough to roam with this 'stalker', and someday they might be caught in the act and the innocent card will fail to work.
As I read through the info, this stalker guy has turned from "The Rejected Suitor" to 'The Intimacy Seeker', and ultimately will start to endanger the society if not seek help for the illness.
The question is, how do we help this kind of guy, do we report him to police? we can not have enough evidence while he isolates his personal life from others?should I warn the victim? we can only wait for something bad to happen till someone gets hurt?
Jan 22, 2012 11:09 PM
Guest :
I am being stalked by an employee I work with, I think. Every time I go to work I see her truck, She followed me for 6 miles today until she found some good cover at a shopping center. I also see her driving the opposite way every-time I get off work. Every single time, once or twice is coincidence but anything after that is evasion of privacy. Sometimes when at work, she refers things directly to me as "we" and "us." The even crazier part of it, is I asked her out and she rejected me?! Come on lets do some logic. Girl rejects guy, but still try's to make the connection? Also she tries to turn all my friends against me, and get me fired? Makes no sense? The even sadder part was that she try to start the relationship, out of jealously. One night 2 girls flirted with me from a local college about 3 towns over. They were all over me. Immediately after they left she talked crap about them. After that she started flirting with me more often and more intensely. She would always play with her hair in front of me and tell me something to get my attention. It further escalated to doing favors for me, like trying to keep me out of trouble. After that she started going out of her way to impress me, let me know that she thought I was special. Then the night I was going to ask her out, my friends came in trying to sell me jewelry. I told them I didn't know yet, it would depend on how the night went. They said I have a "hot date." I told them I would get back to them on that. She heard it as "I have a date with someone else." After that things got insane and stupid. I swear she follows me, hell she even told me where she lived! Like WTF is wrong with you! Now I am in damage control at work and she's trying her best to damage my reputation with my clientele. I didn't do anything wrong, I would never cheat on a girl. Never have, never will. Which part of "virgin" are you missing stupid girl.
Jan 28, 2012 9:59 PM
Guest :
I have been stalked since working in sydney some many years ago, & am still being followed by gangs, small groups of people and single individuals on foot, on bike and in cars. They even follow me on public transport just seee where i am going next.
I am sometime busy doing chores like paying the bills or attending meducal appointments, which is none of there business any how, yet they do it for fun, which is very uncomfortable for me.

I do not follow people for the hell of it, as i do not care where and what people do in their lives & know mentally its wrong. If i am driving home at night and see a young lady on her own going my way, i change course so as NOT to make her feel uncomfortable.
I know what its like to be followed and its makes me angry & i wanna just lash-out at these people but know its not a good look. yet i i try to remain calm & let it al boil up inside untill i
need to release my pressure, with a big yelllllllll! ah, thats better.
Mar 14, 2012 2:03 AM
Guest :
I don't know if I am being stalked, but someone keeps braking into my house. It might have been going on for a long time and I just didn't realize it. At first I noticed things like the bult lock not being locked when I get home from work. I jjust thought that maybe I forgot to lock it. I then would make sure to do it everytimt i left the house. Then the locks were getting unlocked when I was sleeping. I am a sleep walker and thought that I could have done it in my sleep, but am still very scared at this point. So I got a big dog. I have a little dog, and she doesn't bark at people when they come into the house. I work nights and now the big dog freaks out and barks like crazy everyday. I forgot to lock my backdoor the other day when I was sleeping during the day, and I hear someone open it and the dogs both when nuts. I then hear the door close. I went out to see if it was my nephew coming home from school and no one was there. I am so scared and don't know what to do about it. I changed the locks, and got the dog. I am getting cameras next. I am just worried that this person that doesn't take anything is plotting to do something horrible to me. Or what they are doing in my house. I have stuff of value that someone would take.
Mar 14, 2012 9:17 AM
Guest :
I have been stalked for 2 years by a guy who believed he was in love with me. I had no idea at the time that he had those feelings, and I certainly didn't feel that way about him. When he started to exhibit signs of controlling behaviour, wanting to know where I was all the time, constant texts, phone calls, emails etc I told him never to speak to me again. That is where it turned ugly very quickly. The moment he realized he was being rejected he turned on me like a dog. He still to this day makes up lies about me, follows me, watches me, threatens me, threatens my family. I have a protection order against him but this doesn't stop him. He now just stalks me in ways that he knows authorities can't prove to the court what he's doing ie annonymous threats on the internet. As long as I am stalked and the Police refuse to do anything to catch this creep I will always carry a weapon for protection.
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