Assessing Narcissistic Personality

It scares me, I'm living with one...Great read however.

I see my long-time boyfriend of over ten years in every definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder I have read tonight... the problem is his anger is getting worse. I have actually thought of leaving but I am scared of what will happen. He has already wished my son would be found dead in a ditch...and he has made the statement (when he was drunk) that nobody would know. He said he is so smart nobody would know; they wouldn't be any proof. I am scared.

I'm worried about my son, who just turned thirteen. He has NVLD. He is very intelligent with electronics and mechanical, even nuclear theory. However he seems to explain things he thinks I don't understand and make up a very believable story behind it. Only things about events in history or something on of a mechanical nature.I'm worried he may be showing signs of this. He seems to enjoy peoples adoration of his knowledge, which I'm not always so sure is truth.

I am not quite sure my mother has NPD as severe as what I have read in my research, I do know she does possess many of the traits. My mom goes to a psychologist, and has been diagnosed as having clinical depression. However I wonder if her depression isn't a side condition of her NPD or vice versa. Unlike many that I have read, my mom was a little more subtle when it came to insults toward myself and my brothers and he NPD seems to have escalated since we lost our father in 2004. I think she fed off of his attention and when she lost him for her attention. Then she lost her "golden child/favorite" a month or two later. She expected my only remaining brother and I to swoop down and fix her life. My younger brother moved in, provided her with transportation and additional income so she could keep her home and she complained incessantly, we never did "enough" to suit her, she was completely dependent on my father, never even bothered to get a drivers license, so everything from paying bills, shopping,doctor visits etc. had to be provided by my brother and myself. We did our best, we were in grief as well but her grief was more profound I guess because she lost her husband, her favorite son, and her oldest stepson who she rarely acknowledges also hung himself out of the pain he was in over my father. Months went by and my brother stayed on, even though she barked orders at him the minute he came in the door. She expected, because in her mind she was such a wonderful mother, that my brother and I would sacrifice anything to make her happy and her life work. We were supposed to kick in and take my fathers place. We however had our own lives, and wanted to return to them. My brother met a woman online and wanted to spend weekends with her, my mom was jealous and outraged over it. Called me incessantly. My brother eventually could not take it anymore and moved out. Leaving her to rely solely on me. She received insurance money from my brother, but insisted he could get a man, keep her money to herself and have a man take over and pay for her life. Well when a woman is in her 60's, and still believes her feminine wiles are enough to land a man, she's just in denial. She dated many men, carried on permisscously with them believing that was how she was going to get them..one by one the relationships failed. She was over confident in her "abilities" and would tell us each new man was "crazy" about her..however this was not true..in fact that is what she does all the time, she is constantly saying all these people just "love" her to death. When they suddenly are out of the picture or don't call back, its because "she didnt want them"..this went on a for a long time with my mom. Finding men online, meeting up, sex..then they're gone. During this time, she had very little to do with grandchildren. Even though they could have been a comfort to her and company for her when she claimed to be lonely she never once had them over. My oldest grand daughter agreed to move in with her to help out and even that ended badly. As long as she has someone else to rely on, she had the power to not care when she had a fight with anyone. The person was me. She never displayed appreciation, when my brother moved in, rather than to be thankful she simply said, her home was nicer than his so he should have been glad to live in a better place...when he was a child her nickname for him was "little dummy." However she also had a negative nickname for my stepbrother too, his name was "little ugly." She'd sit us, her three real children on the couch with her at night when my dad worked late, and told ghost stories. My stepbrother was not included..and she purposely tried to tell stories that would scare him, as he was able to hear them from his room. To her this was extremely funny. We didn't know this was wrong when we were children. Only in our adulthood, when we had our own children did it suddenly become apparent how bad this was. Even though she called my youngest brother "little dummy" she believed her children were beautiful and always said she got stopped every where she went with people admiring her beautiful children. She was harsh and thought my stepbrother wasn't as attractive as her three, thus the name "little ugly." It was all about her getting praise by association. It would take forever to go into everything this woman has said or done that have led me to believe she atleast suffers some degree of NPD. I did make a list of what her chief issues are, and hopefully others will see it and be able to relate as well. They are the following:
1. A tendency to disregard or downplay other peoples trauma or feelings. Constantly shifting focus or conversation back on their personal experiences instead. A failure to validate other peoples feelings.
2. A tendency to smother those around them, not because they “love” them so much, but because they need the reassurance for themselves. Addicted to the “feeling” of being loved, and constantly forcing situations and events that are negative to extract love and attention from those around them. Willing to use manipulative tactics to achieve this.
3. A tendency to be overly critical of others. Comes across as snobbish, judgmental and cold. Constantly drawing comparisons to elevate their own need to believe they are superior.
4. A tendency to brag or over inflate the intelligence, success, etc of their family members not out of sincere pride but to attract admiration and respect for themselves. This is nothing more than an attempt to conceal their true feelings of personal failure. “I'm great by association..if nothing else.”
5. A tendency to be verbally, mentally, emotionally abusive in order to gain or extract some advantage in a situation for themselves, yet cry foul if anyone resorts to the same tactics in response.
6. A tendency to downplay the efforts of others, while over valuing their efforts. Keeping tabs on what they do for others versus what others do for them. Always believing they have gotten the worst end of the deal and deserve more.
7. A tendency to believe they are or have been a better person that what they truly are. Because they never recognize or own up to their wrong doings or short comings, there is a tendency to define themselves as a great, warm, generous, loving person. This is an ideal in their mind that they created. By labeling oneself by this list of ideal human traits, they hope to actually influence what others think of them. It is only an ideal, an illusion to cover up the real way this person defines themselves. Like an alter ego, or secondary personality that is perfect in every way, so that others can find no fault in them. There is a great deal of effort put into hiding from ones true self, and a great deal of effort in trying to disguise this true self from others.